arrival

nothing quite like it,
that hollow feeling of coming home, at night's end, at dawn's birth,
sweaty, tired and alone.
the silence is haunting, and the echo of your own footsteps wanders through your head like a maddened train.
out from the cold, and into your blanket of safe sentimental songs,
legless and drowsy, but nevertheless alone.
there's no rain in here,so why are your cheeks wet?
salty sting of loneliness.
hum to yourself and try to hold back the tears, pray for that comforting sleep that will never, ever come.
maybe if you go out again, it will pass on.
perhaps a drink or two, or a dance or a night with someone new.
you know it won't do. love doesn't come when you close your eyes and twirl.
it stays locked away, where you cant reach.
it's a stranger in your world.
something has to happen, you say, something has to change.
hold your breath and cry.
because you are trapped in this equation, if anything you know this.
you must.
and nothing will release you.
not the cold, not the bed, not the dawn, nor the dusk.
another night stretches its arms, around your aching head.
you can still feel, you can bleed, you can claw your eyes out.
but there won't be any solace. not yet.